


Can't Fight Love

by Writinginstardust



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Injury, Kissing, Making Out, Nikolai and Tamar are little shits but we love them, Sparring, but lots of kissing, flirty sparring session, there's a little bit of arguing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 21:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19117915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writinginstardust/pseuds/Writinginstardust
Summary: You're best friends with Isaak and have been for years but you may have accidentally fallen in love with him. After Isaak disappears for 3 weeks, while he pretends to be Nikolai, and turns up in the palace infirmary, those feelings won't remain hidden for long.





	Can't Fight Love

We were sparring the last time I saw Isaak.

“Your stance was off,” he said, his face mere inches from my own and our bodies entirely too close for me to form cohesive thoughts.

“Shut up,” I mumbled trying to ignore the heat radiating from his body and what could be a rather compromising position. It was about all I could manage.

“Don’t be a sore loser.” He grinned as he lifted his weight off me. It was a relief to put some space between us but I couldn’t help mourning the loss of contact. He held out a hand and effortlessly pulled me to my feet as I took it. “Want to go again?”

“Sure, if you think you can handle it,” I said with a smirk, feigning far more confidence than I had any right to. He rolled his eyes.

“Well I’ve beat you the last 6 rounds so I think I probably can.”

“Don’t get cocky on me Andreyev.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He grinned and we got into position. We were actually pretty evenly matched so I knew I could beat him if I wanted and he knew it too. I’d been holding back before, but not this time.

“Ha. Now who’s stance was off?” I panted once I’d finally got him pinned.

“Still yours.” He grinned and Saints did he look gorgeous. His hair, damp with sweat, messy and beginning to curl a little, some of it sticking to his skin which was flushed from the exertion. His chest heaving as he caught his breath, occasionally brushing against my own where I was leant over him to hold down his hands. His eyes, alight with mirth, staring up at me, so close I could pick out hundreds of different shades of brown within them.

“Well I still won so…” I shrugged and sat up, dragging a hand across my brow to wipe away the sweat. “Want to call it a day?” Before he could answer a voice from the training room door cut in.

“I’m afraid he’ll have to.” We both looked over to find Tolya standing there. “The Triumvirate require his presence.” We stared at him in surprise for a few moments before Isaak sat up and I realised I was still sat on him. I quickly climbed to my feet and offered him a hand.

“Do I have time to wash first?” Isaak asked.

“If you’re quick.”

“I better get to it then.” He squeezed my hand and smiled at me. “I’ll see you later (Y/N).”

“See you.” And he left.

That was 3 weeks ago. Tamar had told me he was needed for an important, top secret assignment and not to worry but it hadn’t stopped me. He could be dead or hurt and i wouldn’t even know. He hadn’t even said goodbye and it hurt. So, when I got called off duty the evening after Nikolai’s party with the news that Isaak was in the infirmary, my heart leapt into my throat and I immediately assumed the worst. It took a lot of self-control not to run across the whole palace just to see him sooner and assure myself that he was okay.

When I reached the infirmary, I found him sitting up in bed looking…not quite himself. His eyes just slightly too light and his hair a little too blond. And of course the scar visible on his bare chest wasn’t right either.

His face lit up when he saw me and he beckoned me over. I hesitated for just a moment when I noticed Nikolai, the Bataar twins, and the entire Triumvirate taking up much of the space around his bed. They all looked between Isaak and I knowingly. It was as if they could sense I was in love with him though I had no idea how. I was worried that Isaak himself might know, he knew me so well and if they’d all realised then how could he have not?

“Ah, (Y/N), lovely to see you,” Nikolai said with a welcoming smile. “How’s the family? Has your sister had her baby yet?” I was surprised he remembered that with all that had been going on. But then that was just another of the reasons he was such a good King. He remembered everyone.

“They’re quite well thank you. Katya had twins last week.” I immediately felt more at ease and moved to take a seat beside Isaak.

“Girls?”

“Yes, thankfully. Hopefully I’ll be able to go home to meet them soon.”

“Take next week, I’ll sort it out for you.”

“That’s very kind of you  _mon tsar_.”

“It’s no trouble, family is important. Now, there’s a few things you deserve to have explained to you about the past few weeks but we’ll give you two a few minutes first. I have a feeling you need it.” He looked between Isaak and I with a small smile before ushering the others away. They didn’t go far though, staying within earshot at the bed of a Shu girl who was the room’s only other occupant. All of them tried to look like they weren’t eavesdropping but i could tell they were paying more attention to us than whatever conversation they were having. It didn’t particularly bother me though. Not when I finally had Isaak back.

“Hi,” he said, his adorable sheepish smile creeping onto his face.

“…Hi? …Really? You disappear for 3 weeks without so much as a goodbye, turn up in a hospital bed, and you’re going with hi?” He deflated a little and I instantly felt awful.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re alright.” I smiled and squeezed his hand. “I’m going to need an explanation for this though.” I tapped the scar on his chest.

“I…uh…might have gotten a little bit stabbed.”

“YOU WHAT!?” I yelled and could feel tension seep into the air.

“Not to criticise, Isaak,” Nikolai said into the charged silence that followed, “but you perhaps should have considered approaching that particular subject with a little more tact.”

“You better have a good explanation for this.”

“And he does. For the past few weeks Isaak has been pretending to be me and unfortunately suffered an assassination attempt by the Shu last night.” My heart lurched fearfully even though it had already happened.

“Ow.” I looked at Isaak and found him wincing in pain at the tightened grip I had on his hand.

“Sorry,” I said distractedly as I loosened my hold. What Nikolai said just wasn’t comprehensible which is why my first question threw everyone off so badly. “So is that why your hair and eyes don’t look right?”

Genya blinked at me. “They’re not right?”

“No,” I shook my head, trying to clear it, and twirled one of Isaak’s curls around a finger. “Too light, and his hair’s still too blond.” Isaak’s cheeks turned a little pink under both our gazes and I felt a soft smile stretch my lips. Until I remembered why we were here and I snapped back out of it.

“Wait, why were you impersonating Nikolai?” Isaak’s eyes flicked to the others in question and mine followed. They nodded at him and he finally answered.

“Because Nikolai was missing until last night. They asked me to step in with all the foreign guests coming and I agreed. That’s also why your guard rotation got switched, you’d have known something was wrong.”

“You could have told me, you know. Or told me something at least, even just said goodbye.”

“I wanted to say goodbye, I wanted to tell you everything, but I couldn’t.“ And I could tell from his voice that he really did mean it.

"Why not?”

“I’m afraid that’s on us,” Tamar spoke up. “It seemed like too much of a risk to have anyone else know even a little of what was going on. No matter how much we could trust them.”

“That…seems reasonable I suppose. But how did all this get you caught in an assassination attempt? Where were your guards?”

As everyone fixed disapproving gazes on Isaak I felt my heart drop. He’d done something stupid. Sure, he’d definitely done it with good intentions, but he’d done something stupid nonetheless.

"What…did you do?”

“He arranged a secret meeting with the Shu Princess, without telling  _anyone_ , to declare his love or something in a reckless romantic gesture that I admit was very me. Rather unfortunately though, she was actually a member of the Tavgharad pretending to be Princess Ehri. Stabbed him and herself to frame Fjerda for the assassination of them both.” Wow. But also ouch.

Years I’d been falling for Isaak. We’d met during our basic etiquette training when joining the palace guard, trained together, hung out together, fought together when the Darkling attacked. He’d been my best friend for so long and I’d wanted him to be more for almost as long. And foolishly I’d thought he might come to feel the same. Clearly not if this was anything to go by. I took a deep steadying breath and attempted to keep my voice calm as I spoke.

“You’re an idiot, Isaak. I’m so happy to have you back and alive but I am beyond mad at you right now. I'm…I need some time. Come find me when you’ve recovered, okay?” I offered him half a smile, I couldn’t manage more, and left without another word. I might have cried if I’d stayed any longer and I didn’t want anyone to see that.

* * *

Isaak came to find me the following afternoon. I was training, kicking another guard’s ass with a sword to be precise, when he interrupted me.

“Hi, (Y/N).” I held up my hand to my partner and tossed him my sword to hang up before turning to the door.

“Isaak.” Still I was mad at him for everything that had happened but the hesitant smile he was sporting took the edge off. I was pleased to note Genya had fixed his hair and eyes since last night and he looked like his old self.

“Can we talk?” And usually I’d be reasonable and say yes but I was filled with frustration and a lot of feelings I wasn’t ready to let him know about just yet.

“I’m not in the mood to talk. Come spar with me.” He frowned but removed his jacket and came to join me.

“(Y/N), let me explain…” he tried as I came at him, his words cutting off as he moved instinctively to block my attack.

“No.” I spun round and went for his legs but he knew me well enough to anticipate the move and easily remained on his feet.

“(Y/N)..” He twisted me and I found myself trapped against his chest.

“Stop. Talking.” I swiped at his legs and wrestled free as he regained his footing. We stepped apart and circled each other for a moment.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N), please just talk to me.”

I didn’t reply and simply came at him again, this time managing to knock him off his feet. Before I could do anything else though, he hooked an ankle around mine and brought me down too. We wrestled for a minute before Isaak finally managed to pin me to the floor. I tried to squirm away but my body was tired from training and he was stronger.

“Why are you so mad at me? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was going on and I’m sorry for making you worry about me but I was just doing my job.”

“That’s not why I’m mad at you,” I hissed even though that wasn’t entirely true. He really didn’t get it though.

“Well if it’s not that then tell me why.” I could hear frustration creeping up in his voice to match my own. He made the mistake of loosening his hold though and I flipped him off me to pin him instead, my face ending up much too close to him as I snapped.

“You want to know why I’m mad at you?” I growled. “I’m mad because I was I was scared, because you did something stupidly dangerous and turned up after three weeks of nothing having been stabbed! And then you go and act like it was nothing! You could have  _died_ , Isaak! Do you get that!? Do you have any idea what that would have done to me!? Or did you not even think about that when you decided to go and fall in love with a girl who planned to kill you?” I squeezed my eyes shut and took a breath as I felt tears threatening to fall.

“Why does it matter so much? We’ve lost friends before, it’s a risk of our job.” He asked, voice much gentler now.

“It’s different this time. I almost lost you.”

“But why-” he didn’t get it and I finally broke.

“Because I love you!” I yelled and immediately froze. Isaak’s eyes were wide with shock, his lips parted with surprise. Everything was still and silent while we both processed my words.

My heart started racing and I began to panic. I hadn’t meant to say that. Ever. Slowly I removed my hands from his shoulders and sat up. I had to get out of there. His rejection on top of everything else wasn’t something I could take.

Before I could stand, a hand wrapped around my wrist and tugged. I fell forwards, fortunately having enough presence of mind to throw out my other hand to catch myself. My arm buckled though when I felt a soft pair of lips against my own. Isaak’s. Unexpected but as perfect as I’d always imagined.

A hand threaded through my hair while another cupped my face and I melted into the touch. I had plenty of questions but they could wait. I never dreamed I’d get this chance so I was going to savour it. Every moment of it.

He pulled away too soon. But I wasn’t quite ready to leave the moment. It took a minute while I got my breath back, but I opened my eyes to meet the rich depths of his, sparkling with something new. Hope, love, joy, somewhere in between. The specifics didn’t matter. What it made me feel did.

Absentmindedly his fingers trailed across my cheek to rest on my jaw while his thumb stoked my red, kiss-swollen lower lip. The tenderness of that touch alone had my heart crying out in joy. His smile made me melt and the corners of my mouth tugged cautiously with one of my own as I reached up to lay my own hand atop his.

“I love you too,” he whispered, the words and the warmth of his voice wrapping around me and seeping into my very being. He loved me. He  _loved_  me. Suddenly nothing else seemed to matter.

“I’m still mad at you,” I murmured anyway, thoughtlessly twining our fingers together and bringing his hand to rest beside his head. The action definitely undermined my words but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“Of course you are.” He rolled his eyes and chuckled lightly. “Can we save the lecture for later though?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether you’re going to kiss me again.”

“Which way avoids the lecture?” He asked with a cheeky grin.

“Saints, you’ve spent too long pretending to be Nikolai.” I couldn’t help grinning along with him though. “Just kiss me, Isaak.”

It was even better than the first time now I knew it was coming. The hand still tangled in my hair moved to rest lightly on my waist, a soft sigh escaping me as his fingers grazed the skin there. At the noise, his lips moved more confidently against my own and I opened my mouth in a clear invitation. An invitation he happily accepted.

Everything was slow, languid, every touch savoured and lingering, turning my blood thick and molten. I idly traced his jaw with my free hand, tilting it just slightly to slot our lips together better before sliding it up to tangle in his hair. A pleased hum followed the action and a little smile slipped onto my face as I proceeded to twirl a lock around my finger.

“What are you smiling about?” he asked when I pulled back a little to take a breath.

“You.” I dragged my hand through his hair again and once more that happy little noise escaped him. “You’re cute.” He blushed at that but it only made him cuter.

“You’re one to talk.” He wrapped an arm around my waist and rolled so I was laying on the floor now instead.

“Why’s that?”

“Because you.” He prodded lightly at my stomach, making me giggle. “Are.” He pressed a kiss to my neck, somehow finding the right spot to draw an appreciative hum from my lips. “The.” His hand moved to caress my cheek as his lips travelled higher. “Cutest.” He pecked my nose and my face scrunched up in a smile.

“You’re so cheesy.” Before he could do anything else funny or cute I brought his lips back to mine, not wasting any time before deepening it. Unfortunately someone decided to interrupt us far too soon.

“Saints, Isaak, I’m fairly sure I said to go make  _up_  with her not make  _out_  with her.” Isaak turned a frankly hilarious shade of red as he pulled away and we both turned in the direction of Nikolai’s voice. He was leaning in the doorway of the training room beside a smirking Tamar, looking far too pleased.

“I’m sure he made up with her first,” Tamar said. “(Y/N) seemed pretty angry before, she’d probably have punched him if they hadn’t talked first.”

“Good point.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Isaak said uncertainty as he glanced between us all. “She hasn’t forgiven me yet.”

“Are you sure? Given what we walked in on, I’d say you looked forgiven enough.” Nikolai raised an eyebrow and grinned.

“He’s somewhat forgiven.” I looked back at Isaak and twirled his hair around my fingers with a grin. “If you hadn’t interrupted maybe he’d be completely forgiven.”

“I don’t know how much more it was going to take but I think it’s good we came when we did.” I almost choked at Tamar’s implication and felt my cheeks heating as Isaak buried his face in my neck to hide the way his was burning too.

“I…assure you, it wouldn’t have gone that far,” I coughed out.

“Mmmhmm.” I couldn’t see it but I knew that infuriating smirk was plastered on Nikolai’s face. “Well, we came to let you know that we’ve sorted a couple of weeks for you both to go see (Y/N)’s family and you’re both being promoted when you get back. Sorry but you’ll have to see a lot more of us all.”

“You’re trying to kill me, all of you.” I grinned at Nikolai though, he knew I was only joking.

“Not deliberately, I assure you. We’ll leave you two alone now,” he winked as he turned to leave, “don’t have too much fun.”

“Or get a room if you do!” Tamar called back as she followed him out of the room. Isaak spluttered out an attempt at a defence but was too flustered to manage any words.

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” He turned to me with wide eyes and that adorable flush deepening on his cheeks. “Relax Isaak, I’m kidding.” I laughed and leaned up to kiss him. “Start with dinner. Tomorrow?” His smile was pure sunshine and my heart felt light for the first time in weeks.

“Dinner sounds great.”


End file.
